I've never been the most consistent of people. Two weeks ago, for example, I announced that I would never, ever own a onesie. I now own a onesie. In my defence, it was a Christmas gift, but you, er, get the drift. The only thing that's consistent about me is the fact that I always sneeze twice.
This blog is a fantastic example of my inconsistency. "I'll update this at least once a week," I said, my innocent eyes wide in wonder and hope as I created a Blogger account. Well, past self, let me tell you something: don't ever trust anything that comes out of the mouth of a student.
Here's another example of my inconsistency. Remember the wok? The cooking utensil that I very nearly catapulted through the window because it confused me so much? I bloody want it, now. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but, in the space of a year, I've somehow gone from 'MAM I THINK I JUST SET THE BACON ON FIRE' to 'right guys don't panic yes I know the bacon's on fire but don't worry I just want to lightly smoke it believe me it's going to taste good please don't phone the fire brigade again'. Honestly, I really reckon my cooking has improved. Don't believe me? Listen to these satisfied customers:
It irritates me when students live up to their stereotype and resort to feeding themselves with undercooked takeaways and sixteen-pence instant noodles from Tesco. True, I do occasionally eat these things myself because damn that hot dog from Oceana tastes good and damn I could marry the creator of packaged dried noodles, but it's sad when students actually eat nothing else but these things. I don't really buy into these 'I can't cook' or 'I'm too busy' excuses. Unless you're a medicine student who is in approximately forty-eight different societies and has been cursed by a voodoo heathen to forever burn whatever they're trying to cook, you're lying. Or allergic to kitchenware.
I'm not saying that students ought to become five-star chefs and start making lobster thermidor for breakfast. I mean, noodles and takeaways are pretty excellent, but they start to lose their charm when you realise that the last time you had one of your five-a-day was when an Innocent representative handed you a kids' fruit pouch outside Boots sometime last September. I already live up to the vast majority of student stereotypes, from staying up until four in the morning writing a forgotten assignment to almost passing out in ecstatic euphoria when I see a ten-pack of Magners for half-price. I don't need any more stereotypes added to my extensive repertoire.
Pick up a butternut squash and a Kitchen Devil, friend; it's time to pretend you're a chef. You can make some pretty good meals with instant noodles, you know.
This blog is a fantastic example of my inconsistency. "I'll update this at least once a week," I said, my innocent eyes wide in wonder and hope as I created a Blogger account. Well, past self, let me tell you something: don't ever trust anything that comes out of the mouth of a student.
Here's another example of my inconsistency. Remember the wok? The cooking utensil that I very nearly catapulted through the window because it confused me so much? I bloody want it, now. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but, in the space of a year, I've somehow gone from 'MAM I THINK I JUST SET THE BACON ON FIRE' to 'right guys don't panic yes I know the bacon's on fire but don't worry I just want to lightly smoke it believe me it's going to taste good please don't phone the fire brigade again'. Honestly, I really reckon my cooking has improved. Don't believe me? Listen to these satisfied customers:
- "Whoa! The pasta doesn't stick together!"
- "I never knew celery, hot sauce and slightly off cheese could go together."
- "Are you certain the bacon is meant to be on fire?"
- "I'm getting the fire extinguisher."
It irritates me when students live up to their stereotype and resort to feeding themselves with undercooked takeaways and sixteen-pence instant noodles from Tesco. True, I do occasionally eat these things myself because damn that hot dog from Oceana tastes good and damn I could marry the creator of packaged dried noodles, but it's sad when students actually eat nothing else but these things. I don't really buy into these 'I can't cook' or 'I'm too busy' excuses. Unless you're a medicine student who is in approximately forty-eight different societies and has been cursed by a voodoo heathen to forever burn whatever they're trying to cook, you're lying. Or allergic to kitchenware.
I'm not saying that students ought to become five-star chefs and start making lobster thermidor for breakfast. I mean, noodles and takeaways are pretty excellent, but they start to lose their charm when you realise that the last time you had one of your five-a-day was when an Innocent representative handed you a kids' fruit pouch outside Boots sometime last September. I already live up to the vast majority of student stereotypes, from staying up until four in the morning writing a forgotten assignment to almost passing out in ecstatic euphoria when I see a ten-pack of Magners for half-price. I don't need any more stereotypes added to my extensive repertoire.
Pick up a butternut squash and a Kitchen Devil, friend; it's time to pretend you're a chef. You can make some pretty good meals with instant noodles, you know.
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